LOVE IT OR DIE

so in making my playlist i found out that i am like everyone in the fact that i cant pick the right ones cause theres sooo many good ones so heres MORE!


1] secrets - one republic
2] champagne supernova- oasis
3] just a girl- no doubt
4] jeremy - pearl jam
5] hold on - wilson phillips
6] crossroads- bone thugs-n-harmony
7] so lonely - twista and mariah
8] Juvenile - I Know You Know
9] far behind- candlebox
10] kryptonite- 3 doors down
11] local god- everclear
12] love fool - the cardigans
13] helena- my chemiacla romance
14] mr. brightside- the killers
15] i miss u- blink ;)
16] where'd you go-fort minor

the promised playlist.

my fav songs . haha for now

1] this years love- david gray
2] i cross my heart- george strait
3] ooh ahh- grits
4] trying to find a balance- atmosphere
5] baby- justin beiber
6] strawberry fields forever- the beatles
7] chicago- glory of love
8] say goodbye- chris brown
9] space bound- eminem
10] need you now- lady antebellum
11] grandpa- the judds
12] la la la- LMFAO
13] you and me- lifehouse
14] collide- howie day
15] all for you- sister hazel
16] promise- eve 6
17] billie jean- michael jackson
18] like a prayer- madonna

and of course the previous blog "takin my air"

why the hell am i awake right now...

theres so many songs that i can hear and feel everything i need to feel at that exact moment. this has been my fav song for quite a while now. i gonna make a playlist so u all can be in my head.. haha


Lyrics to Takin' My Air :
chris brown(feat yung ram)

Ooooh ooooh ohh oooh
It's been a minute since I seen your face
Everythings got me feelin outta place
Thinkin bout you night up and day
Tryna get you off my mind
Ever since we broke up baby
It's been hard for me to get up on my grind
Thinking bout you every night and day
Show me where to go

I swear I can't breathe
Someone call me a doctor
Shes taking my air and somebodys gotta stop her like
Hey hey I can't breathe and
As hard as it seems I might need machine
I swear I can't breathe
Someone call me a doctor
Shes taking my air and somebodys gotta stop her like
Hey hey I can't breathe and
As hard as it seems I might need machine

What's happenin with choo round
What it do baby
It's kinda crazy how I been thinking of you lately
Even though you ain't my girl
Even though I ain't yo man
Please understand that it wasn't round me what I got planned
I know you love me boo
You know I love you to
I know it was really sad but I had to
So I solute but promise me this one thing
That you gon keep it tight

I'm laughin cause I never that youd be out my life
My keeps asking bout yo now
But I don't know what to say
But hey life is life
And shawty it just blew away
I must admit it I'm really tryin
But can't catch yah
I got you tattooed in my veins
Stuck with you forever
And real niggahs keep tryin
I'm a spread my wings
But what hurts me the most is we was like a perfect team
Two perfect things that's about to get real fragile
So I'm a keep writin yah songs to the next chapter

I swear I can't breathe
Someone call me a doctor
Shes taking my air and somebodys gotta stop her like
Hey hey I can't breathe and
As hard as it seems I might need machine
I swear I can't breathe
Someone call me a doctor
Shes taking my air and somebodys gotta stop her like
Hey hey I can't breathe and
As hard as it seems I might need machine

She my daily dose
She keep me level headed
Gets me higher than high, a g5 jet it
Man I want her and I need her and I know she know I trust her
Sometimes I don't believe her
But maybe that's the guy in me
I'll be thinkin what she thinkin like you thinking
I told myself be patient
She calm me down, she make me laugh
So I rub her back
Run a bubble bath
We be places that we can't even pronounce
Up in towns that you never seen
But a war to be green
Play no games with her
And all she want me to do is say the truth
Be faithful and put that thang in her
What you ain't about to do
But if you want it, don't spin it
Cause the mother lanes loose
Get with good, that's what winners
Shes been here since the beginning
I called her little cutie
That booed up, cause it's true

I swear I can't breathe
Someone call me a doctor
Shes taking my air and somebodys gotta stop her like
Hey hey I can't breathe and
As hard as it seems I might need machine
I swear I can't breathe
Someone call me a doctor
Shes taking my air and somebodys gotta stop her like
Hey hey I can't breathe and
As hard as it seems I might need machine

go team NINJA

today was a good day. the night however..not so much. the other night i did something to someone that if it had been done to me someone would have been hurt. badly. and i am not proud of it. i now realise i have reached a point in my life where i have a conscience. just cause I'm nice to everyone, and i give and do allot for allot of people, doesn't make me a good person. i just realised it. i have made soo many mistakes lately and do not have the karma good enough to have the things that i am blessed with. and i am an extremely lucky ninja. and I'm kind of an ass. woot. so basically I've decided its time to clean house. grow up. and be someone that is not kept awake at night saying 'really now? is that necessary' or 'did u seriously do that?' my caring about others, what i share, my behavior, pov, and many more to come. people who aren't on board can go blow someone cause i need this. my heart hurts for things i am doing to myself... I'm sorry if i was a hurricane or like tucker max in ur life. guess we'll see if its to lil to late and if I'm doomed to shine pitch forks in hell...

UP THE SHUT FUK!

i am the kinda person that tries to please others as much as i can taking a beating and letting people be in my life cause i think telling em how i really feel will be a lil harsh. maybe they'll change, lighten up. and maybe they will only get worse... someone who u think is a good friend always there when u need them, sayin they like doing what they can to make you happy. but then tryin to push so hard to the point of feeling smothered. literly stalking you, standing outside a closed door while ur on the phone to try and eves drop on a phone call.. like an over protective parent. sorry i moved outta mommys when i was 16 for a reason. i dont need a keeper. ur in my life cause we understood eachother. there for eachother eh? yet u feel the need to what shadow me? do u wanna wipe for me too while were at it? i need some room to breath. act like u like me and not wanna drink my bath water OK? [or drown me in it so no one esle can ever talk to me]

GRRRR O_o

if u wanna know...

ok so idk even where to start.. i mean who really even checks my blog ever? yeah i didnt think so. So this effin summer... i wish i could pull my heart out and make everyone look at it so u could see for yourself.. the changes, moves, travelling, love, excitement and.. idk everyday is something different. Even when its a shitty day its still not that bad! haha, sammi! my lover boo.. girl seeing you for even only a minute makes my whole day! and how much u have accomplished this summer...the dream we shared that u made into a reality.. i am so proud to have u as my other half. I think it .. you do it.. every thought that comes in our minds i can guarantee u will find the way to make it complete. 7+ years and i am still inspired everyday! cant wait to see how our pics end up. Its funny what love can do for your vision on the world.. my best friend had a beautiful child last fall that is now my beloved godson Skyler and now she's bearing the im sure to be equally astounding Oliver James. She should be an inspiration to wives and mothers everyday, her devotion and awesomeness to her boys is beyond beautiful. Ive seen so many beautiful things. My amazing son has learned sarcasm a very useful source of communication hah yay.. and i will never forget this summer. Thanks all! i <3

next step

ok so.. its down to the wire on saying bye bye to denver! so excited for the next step. being with friends that i havent seen in forever and friends that i havent gotten to hang out with at all yet lol! then again there's a small person with a HUGE roll that will always keep me with one foot in colorado. so even though my address will now be SoCal i will be in denver enough that no one needs to say BYE!

...trust... or faith??

OK i am confused/HEART BROKEN/BETRAYED/and alone once again... but i may not have a right to be.. ugh idk. Say you tell someone a secret. You expect them to keep it between the two of you. Well I've kept ALL of this persons secrets. Took the blame and pretended something was me when it was them to save them from a fight with their spouse. Yet they tell someone mine.

Should i have trusted them? Maybe no one should trust me because i keep this secret. Everyone has things they don't want anyone to know! Should you have faith that you can have that one person who u can tell anything and they wont tell anyone or just trust that everyone will let you down? And there is no such thing as a secret? Gossipers have that other bff whom they must tell everything even if its not their business to tell..?

So what was their motive? Love of gossip. To make me look bad to the person they told in an effort to make them self look better. No self control. Or should i have just not trusted them because they had NO intentions to keep it to them self anyway...

I am a private person. You know this..that's how i like my life. And i don't tell your secrets. I never have not even out of vindictiveness or revenge. Yet you have time and time again. There is so many things i can think of you've asked me not to bring up or times I've played along to your lies.. What did i do that makes you hate me so BADLY that you need to tell people things!

And if you didn't mean to yth cant you just take responsibility! Are you that untouchable that hateful that cold that you can just hurt someone and when confronted you blame them for your slip?! Ugh .... whatever I'm pro at keeping my mouth shut. Walls back up!

daddy..

Hey. so i wish this was an email like before. telling you i'd be back out to see you soon and that i had a great time at south padre in spring break. last last time we were together.. so if you could see this.. what would you say? hum.. correct my grammer and punctuation and say thats not the private school education you paid for? lol .. I wish heaven had a phone so i could hear your voice again, so many things have gone on lately that make me wanna tell you about my life. I asked a magic 8 ball today if you were in heaven... it said "without a doubt" lol kinda weird huh? i couldnt help but cry.. I wish you were here so i could play my favorite song for you. its different then the last time we were together.. lol and this time its not some "teeny bopper" like you said before. Let you meet Noah. Show you all the things i have drawn and thanked you for giving me your artistic side. I wear colors besides pink now too ..lol ill still be your pink panther though. and i got your height. Last time i saw you i couldn't of been more then 5'5''. My birthday this year will be 9 years without you...

I hope you are proud of what you see. I love you Dad. I miss you.

..facebook.myspace.twitter..

There is so many different way to keep in touch now a days.. phones made just for texting. And the ever popular ways to know everything about everyone elses business. When your mom says to you "ya i saw that on her status" you know its BAD!!

A nameless friend and i were having lunch and she tells me something of a heartless person who verbalized their personal hatered of her on their twitter. In a way so harshly (especially at the time) that there's no way it could be played off as a heat of the moment slip... seems to me like she just wanted my friends attention above all things.. as many mutual friends as they both have i dont see why else. Then there's Myspace ..... seems like just a place to hook up more then anything now. Raise your hand if you check your myspace more then once a week?! I didnt think so. And if you did just raise your hand. Your single. You profile stalk your ex. (<--cant say i havent) And you have a questionably innapropriate photo taken in front of a bathroom mirror on it i'm sure. Or... you try to hook up with ppl way younger then you and say "well her myspace says she's 18."

I love the person nature of "snail mail" having lots of friends and family in the military sometimes a letter is all the communication you have. Its taught me to apprieciate the written word way more then i did in my highschool days. Cracking opened a book and reading something put there heart/mind into. And tearing open mail that doesnt have my name visible thru that lil plastic see thru window :P or even the person contact of an actual phone call and not just a text that says "thinkin of u" facebook is do-able tho. I admit. My actual friends from highschool. My actual family are on there. Anyone who cares enough to remember your last name will find you on there. Plus the apps are super addictive!! hahaha

Kinda seems like everyones sooo disconnected. idk.. nite nite

Not enough PLAY!?

No my perverted one track minded kids not play like you're thinking! I'm talking play/ exposure.. I am not the kinda mushy girly girl that gets weepy over a movie or gets wrapped up in the lives of a T.V show drama, dying at the end of the episode wondering if Ken is gonna end up with Barbie. But India Arie "Good Man". Tearfully amazing song check it out. Boy, Girl, vegetable, mineral... its beautiful and makes u feel some feelings.. if you have some! :P

THE RULES LOL

I LOVE TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS

I THINK I AM PRETTY GOOD AT IT

I LOVE TO LEARN...

NO SCRATCH THAT

I LOVE TO KNOW

I ASK ALOT OF QUESTIONS..

BUT I HAVE A BAD MEMORY

I MAY CONFUSE U WITH SOMEONE ELSE

IF YOUR NOT THAT IMPORTANT. TO ME.

I LOVE PPL WHO CAN

CARRY A CONVERSATION

MAKE ME LAUGH!!

I DECIDED NOT TO LONG AGO

I AM STARTING A-NEW.

TO BE PICKIER ON WHO I SURROUND MYSELF...

IF YOU CANT BEFRIEND ME

LIKE I CAN BEFRIEND YOU...

THEN LETS NOT WASTE OUR TIME!

ARE YOU A GOOD PERSON?

OK THEN WHERE THE HELL HAVE U BEEN!??