...trust... or faith??

OK i am confused/HEART BROKEN/BETRAYED/and alone once again... but i may not have a right to be.. ugh idk. Say you tell someone a secret. You expect them to keep it between the two of you. Well I've kept ALL of this persons secrets. Took the blame and pretended something was me when it was them to save them from a fight with their spouse. Yet they tell someone mine.

Should i have trusted them? Maybe no one should trust me because i keep this secret. Everyone has things they don't want anyone to know! Should you have faith that you can have that one person who u can tell anything and they wont tell anyone or just trust that everyone will let you down? And there is no such thing as a secret? Gossipers have that other bff whom they must tell everything even if its not their business to tell..?

So what was their motive? Love of gossip. To make me look bad to the person they told in an effort to make them self look better. No self control. Or should i have just not trusted them because they had NO intentions to keep it to them self anyway...

I am a private person. You know this..that's how i like my life. And i don't tell your secrets. I never have not even out of vindictiveness or revenge. Yet you have time and time again. There is so many things i can think of you've asked me not to bring up or times I've played along to your lies.. What did i do that makes you hate me so BADLY that you need to tell people things!

And if you didn't mean to yth cant you just take responsibility! Are you that untouchable that hateful that cold that you can just hurt someone and when confronted you blame them for your slip?! Ugh .... whatever I'm pro at keeping my mouth shut. Walls back up!

daddy..

Hey. so i wish this was an email like before. telling you i'd be back out to see you soon and that i had a great time at south padre in spring break. last last time we were together.. so if you could see this.. what would you say? hum.. correct my grammer and punctuation and say thats not the private school education you paid for? lol .. I wish heaven had a phone so i could hear your voice again, so many things have gone on lately that make me wanna tell you about my life. I asked a magic 8 ball today if you were in heaven... it said "without a doubt" lol kinda weird huh? i couldnt help but cry.. I wish you were here so i could play my favorite song for you. its different then the last time we were together.. lol and this time its not some "teeny bopper" like you said before. Let you meet Noah. Show you all the things i have drawn and thanked you for giving me your artistic side. I wear colors besides pink now too ..lol ill still be your pink panther though. and i got your height. Last time i saw you i couldn't of been more then 5'5''. My birthday this year will be 9 years without you...

I hope you are proud of what you see. I love you Dad. I miss you.

..facebook.myspace.twitter..

There is so many different way to keep in touch now a days.. phones made just for texting. And the ever popular ways to know everything about everyone elses business. When your mom says to you "ya i saw that on her status" you know its BAD!!

A nameless friend and i were having lunch and she tells me something of a heartless person who verbalized their personal hatered of her on their twitter. In a way so harshly (especially at the time) that there's no way it could be played off as a heat of the moment slip... seems to me like she just wanted my friends attention above all things.. as many mutual friends as they both have i dont see why else. Then there's Myspace ..... seems like just a place to hook up more then anything now. Raise your hand if you check your myspace more then once a week?! I didnt think so. And if you did just raise your hand. Your single. You profile stalk your ex. (<--cant say i havent) And you have a questionably innapropriate photo taken in front of a bathroom mirror on it i'm sure. Or... you try to hook up with ppl way younger then you and say "well her myspace says she's 18."

I love the person nature of "snail mail" having lots of friends and family in the military sometimes a letter is all the communication you have. Its taught me to apprieciate the written word way more then i did in my highschool days. Cracking opened a book and reading something put there heart/mind into. And tearing open mail that doesnt have my name visible thru that lil plastic see thru window :P or even the person contact of an actual phone call and not just a text that says "thinkin of u" facebook is do-able tho. I admit. My actual friends from highschool. My actual family are on there. Anyone who cares enough to remember your last name will find you on there. Plus the apps are super addictive!! hahaha

Kinda seems like everyones sooo disconnected. idk.. nite nite