Fidelity and Regret..?

Oh to say ignorance is bliss is an understatement... The things we put eachother thru in life will never amount to the pain u cause instill in someone for a lifetime when u play them..especially when ur married.. But other times too. To agree to be together forever and to be betrayed is a fatal cut.. When u have conformation in writing from ur spouse to their intended saying they are/were looking for divorce. When compatibility with a stranger becomes important enough to risk a marriage. 80% of in fidelity occurs with a collegue..hmmm and the rest? What do i need to look for..maybe i shouldnt look..i would feel safer having never known the things i have uncovered.. All of my past relationships..well except one. I ask but the answers are never true or by the time i ask dont feel..worthy of belief. ....Why hide and lie, if it's as bad as all that at home why deny that ur eyes look to someone else? To keep a leash on the spouse? Cause u know ur mate is better then the cheat..and u just wanna go for the hunt to see if u can have them? If they think of u too? Was is just a slip...drunk mistake? Out of anger? Or was it repeat..are things oh idk "meh at best"q ? Is there more that isn't seen, when one has had things hidden from the beginning, told to ur face they would never come clean...what is to be believed then? Was I ever enough...were u single cause u were thinking of her? Hmm words from u both 'there wasn't closure' if I wasn't in the picture would it be her on ur side or is there closure now? Why did I have to have u to see u weren't done with her?....now I am gone will you miss me like u do/did her..and if so, why? Will u write me and deny ur current girl to see if i miss u too? We are but "meh..." then why would it matter what happens to us..
All the things you've said in anger..called, suggested, accused...did u do that to her to or is that special for me? Hahah oh I think I know the answer to that. Even when the dust has settled there is so many things that can never be taken back. Why add to it with demeaning insults of ppl...why would u call me that? If i am that why waste ur time lying to me, fighting me to stay, or concede to ur point..if im soo...worthless then dont hold in. So many moments I have spent hating the girls that are in the minds of the men I loved...thinking horrid things about them..but their not the ones who gave me their word. If you loved me even in our fights ud know it's gonna be ok, it's gonna be u and me, and the compatibility of another girl wouldn't matter, why would the compatibility of a friend or shoulder to cry on matter? I read it too..sounds so promising. I'm sure ud be better off. Why don't u follow thru on that..
I'd rather see the person love run off and live happily ever after with the person I was betrayed for then live a life wondering if he is
wondering what it'd be like over there..cause that's what it's caused every time. Wonder.

One day I'll be smiling, in love and cherished, protected....and when that smile isn't for you will I matter to you then?

(this is a general post about several relationships siting a few rare specifics but not generalizing to any certain person. If u saw something and it is something to u did do then good for u, it's effected me deeply)